dont want to drag you through the bottom
by nighttime writer
Summary: Chris was always the one who could take everything and not break. Kind of expected when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but what happens when you have one more prob to add? Set after Chris crossed.
1. Default Chapter

**A/n: Wellps guess what! I finished my first story! and surprisingly it's a song fic! Read it and tell me what you hate and dont hate bout it. Juss Review alright? By the way set after chris crossed. uh def A/U...**

**Disclamer: Don't own charmed of Ben Jelen's song "Fallen down" DAMN IT!! I want to own Charmed...lol**

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_At a stoplight in the middle of the night,  
Stuck in first and I wonder if I should stay_  
  
Chris looked longingly at the manor standing just outside. This was his house...or at least it's going to be. Inside was his family in total obliviation to who he was. Inside of chris he was torn. Wyatt had just murdered his financee right in front of him and had shown no mercy. Inside the familiar house his family distrusted him. The person worth changing the future for died in his arms. His brother the reason...  
  
_The right is history and to my left the choice is right  
But this seems a little bit too hard_  
  
Chris looked down at his feet wanting to just give up. To go back to the future, and live the life he figured he was destined to live. Was Wyatt enough to risk everything for? He grew up neglected, fending for himself and yet now as an adult he was back in the past saving a future that no one really even wanted him to save.   
  
_And all the questions come running through my mind - will I see this another way?  
The simple truth is i'm falling, falling down, and I don't want to drag her through the bottom   
_  
'There's gotta be another way' Chris thought painfully as Piper's distrustful words still played through his head.   
  
"I don't trust you Chris," Piper's voice got louder and louder until Chris screamed the voice filling his mind.   
  
"Chris you ok?" It was Paige who noticed their young whitelighter just outside of their house on the porch with tears in his eyes.  
  
It was always Paige in the future who Chris turned to. It was Paige who had helped him through his troublesome life. But once again it was Chris' fault that she died.   
  
How could he tell her about his past...about her future? Tell her that the Wyatt everyone knew and loved in this time would grow up to kill his own family. To betray everyone who loved him. To betray his little brother? Paige wouldn't even believe him. After all the lies and all the deciet he had told to the Charmed Ones he was lucky they didn't blow him up yet. To tell her would hurt her...but not to tell her would kill him.   
  
"Nothing's wrong," Chris said his voice barely a whisper trying to keep it from cracking. He quickly wiped the tears that escaped his closed eyes and orbed before Paige could come any closer.  
  
_Then she says,  
"Sit in front of me, turn around you'll see, I'm all you'd ever want, all you'd ever need,  
Come back into my world, you know I'm always yours"  
And she makes so much sense, when she says "don't throw this away"_   
  
It was Bianca who had saved his life. It was her who gave him reason to live. She was the person who caught Chris all those years ago...or all those years to come, whichever way you look at it. And now when Bianca needed saving the most, Chris couldn't. She relied on him, and he dropped her. That was another death on his account. She was his reason and for the life of him he never wanted to throw it away.  
  
_Its hard to know whats real when it all seems wrong  
But I promise you I'll find whats going on  
I just need to follow the sun before I'll know if I'll see this another way  
The simple truth is I'm falling, falling down, and I don't want to drag you through the bottom   
_  
In this time everyone seemed happy. And Chris, no matter how hard he fought off the feeling knowing he would get hurt again, was too. He found it rewarding to see his mother again. To see his aunts again. Even to see his father. But still a peice was missing. The one to make the family whole. The last piece to a somewhat already completed puzzle. It was up to Chris to retrieve the piece.   
  
"Wyatt I'll save you big brother. I promise you that," Chris said looking at the picture taken ages ago when the family was still happy.  
  
Under him cars passed honking and beeping as they dissappeared as quickly appeared. But Chris was in total obliviation of it all. Wyatt was the missing piece to the family. Wyatt was all the Halliwells ever needed. He was all Chris ever needed.   
  
"Chris, can we talk?" Leo orbed in next to Chris who was sitting on one of the beams staring at an old wrinkled picture.   
  
"What about?" Chris asked sighing.   
  
Leo wasn't any better in this lifetime than his. Leo always said he was a father first, but to Chris those were just useless words thrown together to impress Piper. He was never there. Never there for each birthday, each injury, each tear, each day. Never the dad Chris deserved...  
  
"Your future...we can help you," Leo said trying to reach out to the whitelighter not knowing he was also reaching for his son. "Just tell us, no secrets Chris. Trust is a two way street."   
  
Chris looked up his eyes bloodshot from holding back tears. His hair messily thrown back and his body skinner than ever. But that wasn't what scared Leo, it was the pain, the vulnerbility that Chris was showing at the point.   
  
Chris wanted to be hugged. To be in his father's protective arms. In his mothers warm chest. To be behind his aunt during every daemon attack instead of being used as bait. He wanted to be the kid he never had a chance to be. To be the kid Wyatt once was. The boy who had everything. He never wanted to be the boy who was kicked out practically every other week because of something he said about Wyatt.   
  
But Leo wouldn't understand. Piper wouldn't listen. Chris just wanted his parents attention, but even that he was denied of.   
  
"You can't help me Leo," Chris said his voice cold as ice.   
  
_Still you say "Sit in front of me, turn around you'll see, I'm all you'd ever want, all you'd ever need,  
Come back into my world, you know I'm still your girl"  
And she makes so much sense, when she says "don't throw this away"_   
  
'But i won't give up hope,' Leo thought before orbing to the manor.   
  
"Chris is pretty hurt," Paige told Piper sipping her cup of tea.   
  
"I don't care," Piper said carelessly. "He lied to us, I don't think he's suppose to be happy about that Paige."  
  
"You should have seen him though. I've never seen him show so much emotion," Leo said joining the two sisters.   
  
"He must have loved her a lot," Pheobe said also walking in to join the conversation.   
  
"I wonder what happened," Paige thought out loud.   
  
"My older brother killed her," Chris whispered from behind the door so they wouldn't hear.   
  
Chris knew in the back of his mind that Bianca would have wanted Chris to be happy, to continue. But there was no one to continue for. Frusturated he took the engagement ring which hung around his neck and ripped it off the cord throwing it hard enough to actually dent the wall.   
  
'THIS IS ALL WYATT'S FAULT!' Chris thought angrily.   
  
In the kitchen Pheobe felt naucious (can't spell) as the wave of anger and sadness took her by surprise. She usually couldn't sense anything from Chris, and this was too much too soon.   
  
_Isabell she treads so lightly, floating in her gypsy dresses  
Even though her words cut deep I can't deny the truth in them  
On the phone she talks a lot and me, I listen hopelessly,  
So directionless, I head into oblivion.  
And then I decide to give another random memory,_  
  
Chris realized he had let his gaurd down and Pheobe had sensed him. He quickly orbed away from the manor leaving behind three very confused witches, and one worried white-lighter.   
  
"He was here," Pheobe said refeering to Chris.   
  
"If I saw him I would have probably blasted him," Piper said realizing that her sister was hurt from all the emotions Chris couldn't control.   
  
Chris reorbed into the house just in time to hear his mother's ultimate hurtful words. The ones that she meant. Not knowing where else to go he orbed away ending up in Bianca and his special spot.  
  
Chris remembered of all the talks Bianca and he had. Of all the times they laughed forgetting about Wyatt. Of all the times she ordered him never to give up hope. Of all the times she cried on his shoulder. And of all the times he cried on hers.   
  
He remembered how somehow this Pheonix, or witch assisin had won his heart and his trust. That no matter how much he fought off the feeling, for the first time in a long time he loved and cared for someone. He cared for something.   
  
_...and all the questions come running through my mind - will I see this another way?  
The simple truth is I'm falling, falling down, and I don't want to drag you through the bottom,  
No I don't want to drag you through the bottom._  
  
He couldn't get close anymore. Not to his mother, his father, anyone. He couldn't get hurt again. He couldn't stand the pain, but he could handle it. What he couldn't do was hurt his parents. To see the pain he caused on his family. He wasn't their burden. The world's burden fell on Chris' shoulder, and he needed to carry it on his own. No more letting people know his pain. No more loving. Chris was digging himself a hole he knew full on well he wouldn't be able to climb out of, but he also knew no one could find him in it. He wasn't going to hurt anyone anymore.   
  
"I never meant to hurt you mom," Chris croaked out. He orbed to P3 where he kept the dark lighter arrow he kept just in case.   
  
There was now a reason to use this arrow. His tears blurred the ground but he knew where the arrow was by heart. All his memories happy and sad ran through his mind.   
  
He gripped the arrow tightly and took the tip of it and ran it through his wrist his grip never ligtening. Immideatly he felt the poison enter his system. He staggered the pain of the poison taking affect almost immideatly. He took the arrow in the other hand and ran it through his other wrist. It was a deep cut and his blood bled freely.   
  
Outside of the small room the girls and Leo decided to pay Chris a visit. To get the truth out of him...or to kick him out. But once the marched in they saw Chris on the ground barely breathing a small smirk playing on his lips.   
  
"CHRIS!" Paige screamed running over to him.  
  
"Leo heal him!" Pheobe told Leo who rushed over trying to heal the boy.  
  
"Too Late..." Chris said between ragged breaths. "I'm sorry for hurting you guys."   
  
Piper watched the white lighter feeling all her anger disappear as she realized how young the boy truly was. He was still a boy, but he was carrying the world.   
  
"Chris come on hold on," Piper soothed walking over to Chris and kneeling beside him holding on to Leo who was next to her for support.   
  
"I'm sorry for putting you through everything..._mom_," And with that Chris stopped breathing. His body dissipatated into nothing. Only remanance of his existance was the blood that stained the floor. And his legacy...lived within the Charmed ones...and their families...and more importantly it lived within Wyatt...and _Chris_.

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**A/N: OMG! I finished me a story! Omg! the first story I freakin finished! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!** **Oh yeah...can you please review me por favor!! I really worked hard on this...tell me what you hate or dont hate...Yeah kinda AU isn't it? Oh wellps. Just review me and I'm all good...maybe I could do another song fic for another episode right??**


	2. Slow down

**A/N: It's a chappy after Chris is born while everyone is in the hospital wondering how the future would now be and how they would change it in honor of Chris Perry, the whitelighter who also happens to be Leo's and Piper's second son. Read it will you!!!**

Disclaimer: Do not own **Charmed **or **Ben Jelen **or his song **Slow down DAMN IT!!**  
  
Leo's POV  
  
_All of my answers, and all my reasons   
And all my excuses they never rest   
'Cause all of my answers they keep on changing   
I spend my life waiting for the next_   
  
I looked down as I held the sleeping Chris in my arms. He was so small, so pure, so innocent. He didn't know what dreaded destiny was awaiting him. He didn't know about his future self saving the world risking everything, including himself. The ultimate sacrafice for the greater good of humanity. He was the reason I had to kill. To step out of the boxed illusions I had become comfortable with. He had me faced my mentor, and kill him. I shouldn't be able to look at him right now no matter what age, but I still could, because he had me realize that my true priorities wasn't with the elders as I had convinced myself months ago, but with my family. My family needs me down here, my wife needs me...and my boys needed me.   
  
I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. I wasn't going to overlook my youngest son, and I wasn't going to spoil my eldest rotten. They will learn to cope in a house of equality. I'll be there for every tear, every party, every smile and most of all every year. This time around I'm going to see Chris smile gleefully, and I'm going to say something when I see Wyatt doing something bad. I'll wipe away all of Piper's tears myself and I'll always be there to comfort her when she needed me.   
  
Piper's POV  
  
_And oh, I just keep on moving   
And oh, I just keep on pushing forward   
And oh, I forgot what I was looking for _  
  
I watched Leo protectively hold our youngest and I smiled as Wyatt gently patted the sleeping baby. I was so proud of Chris for everything he's done. I loved him so much, but now I begin to doubt everything. Where am I to come up with the energy to raise two magical boys? To care and protect both of them with my heart and my soul when I know that it would be leaving for 'upthere' in a couple of hours only to return when the elders allowed him. Leo was no is my heart. I can't live without him. I can never live without him. I also can't live with the feeling he's hiding something from me. He has that sad look in his eyes and for once I couldn't find the pacafist within him. One mention of Chris' name and his calm tranquil self disappeared and what replaced him was an angry Leo. One that wasn't afraid to kill, the pacafist that I fell in love with disappeared, and the father of my children who would do anything to keep them safe replaced him. I know Leo's been through so much and will go through so much more. Chris already lived through it, but how about me? I know I die fourteen years from now. Too soon to see my babies grow up. Too soon to ever convince them both that good is the best way to be. How am I going to live through this without the one person who said they'd be there for me in good times and bad and happy and sad?   
  
Wyatt yawned and giggled lightly before settling down on the bed next to me. Using me as a pillow he tried rubbing the sleep out of his eyes unsucessfully before falling asleep. It was a long day for us all, too long. I almost died giving birth to my baby. The boy who would carry the burden of the world. And here I was smiling peacefully at the sight of Wyatt, the boy who put that burden on Chris to begin with, fall asleep safely in my arms.   
  
Leo's POV  
  
_And all their illusions, I won't believe them   
I'll always believe what I can't forget   
'Cause all of their reasons, they keep on changing   
I spend my life waiting for the next_   
  
I can't shake the feeling of my son's blood in my arms. The way he faded away as if he ceased to exist. And yet here he was, tiny and so real. Warm and safe in my arms. Everything I knew changed in a day. My mentor was the reason of my son's death. He was the person I trusted with my life, he was the one who shaped my very existance. What if he's the reason I was such a crappy dad to Chris. Maybe he's the reason Chris hates me. He was suppose to be good. He was to protect Wyatt, to protect the world.   
  
He wasn't the protection the world needed. He wasn't the protection the world deserved. If I am to become like him then I want to quit. Quit being an elder. I'm a pacafist, but I'm not going to watch as the world will eventually fall into the hands of my oldest. I'd rather kill to protect those innocence from him then rather just watch and wait for someone else to come along and stop him.   
  
I'm done pretending to be someone I'm not. Done pretending I don't care about Piper. Because I do. I'd rather die a thousand deaths than to have one tear escape her eyes. I'm not going to be the dad Chris knew in the future, the one who didn't care for him. Because I do. I killed my mentor and let down my morals to avenge his death. And I'm done pretending that Wyatt's the best. Sometimes I can barely look at him because I know what evil comes within the now peaceful todler.  
  
Pheobe's POV  
  
_And oh, I just keep on moving   
And oh, I just keep on pushing forward   
And oh, I forgot what I was looking for   
_  
It's not fair. First Grams, then Prue, and Cole,then Chris, and even Andy. Magic owed us and all it gave us in return for all our good deeds were heart aches. Yet after every death, after every vanquish, after every sad sigh we'd help those helpless. The elders couldn't give us the one person we needed right now. The one person who'll bring peace of mind to our wondering thoughts. We wanted and needed Chris. We never asked too much of magic, not that they ever gave us anything to begin with. But we're begging for Chris. Piper and Leo needed to see Chris if only for a second. They needed to see that he's moved on to a better place, that he's finally safe. We all needed to know that he was finally in a place he deserved to be in.  
  
I watched my sister and brother-in-law sit together with their two sons safe in both their arms. I saw the smile on Piper's face as Wyatt scrunched his nose and the twinkle in Leo's eyes as Chris softly whimpered in his sleep. Suddenly, the good and evil of the world was of no importance to me, at least not at that exact moment. Keeping Chris happy, keeping Wyatt happy was the biggest thing in my life. Keeping my family together was all I needed. But the world needed us. Risking our lives everyday just to have another family safe and sound no matter the consequence. What's the use? What's the use of keeping everything and everyone safe when keeping them safe meant putting the people I love most in danger? Magic was never fair to us, and as I watched my sister's family torn between destiny and happiness I realized it never will.  
  
No one's POV  
  
_Well, I'd trade wisdom back in for innocence to get away from all my lies   
I'd trade wisdom back in for innocence to get away from getting by   
I'd trade wisdom back in for innocence for just one look through those eyes   
_  
Leo wanted to hold on to Piper, Chris and Wyatt like there was no tomorrow. But the elders were calling and despite the fact he was trying not to he was being pulled away from his family. The scattered orbs were a reminder of his duty as an elder. Leo sadly handed Chris over to Piper who began crying as soon as Leo fully disappeared.  
  
Wyatt felt Chris' pain and immideatly woke up and he too started crying. Piper looked at her two sons crying and could feel the tears coming to her eyes as she tried comforting her two babies. Because in her heart that's what they would always be...babies. They would never know what it would feel like to lose their childhood innocence, no matter how many demon vanquishes or pain, unlike now, she would change it so they would never lose it. They would always know what it felt like to cry, and to feel pain as well as happiness. And as she watched Wyatt hold Chris and look up at her with a gentle smile she knew this time around it would be different. There was hope for the world, because the love of two brothers would always keep both alive. The love of two brothers would be enough to keep the world turning. They would carry the world on their shoulders as the symbol of good. She was going to raise them right. She owed it to the world, her sisters, Leo, but most of all she owed it to her sons.  
  
The end  
  
You like the song? Well set after Big bad world or however it goes...yep yep review for me!! Uhh I actually did this upon someone's request but it didn't follow her exact request necessarly...so um yeah sorry for that. Anyways hope you like it.  
  
::Liz::


End file.
